...sooo, so blessed...

This is more for my journaling purposes so don't feel like you have to read...

So tomorrow is my little baby boy's 1st birthday and I am feeling a little overwhelmed with feelings right now! I am so happy and excited for all the fun things he is doing and how big he is getting, but I also can't help but feel a little sad he is not my little baby that I can just cuddle with and hold all day long anymore! (although he is still likes to snuggle :))

I can't believe he is already 1!! It has gone by sooo fast! It is so much fun to watch him grow and to see his little personality come out! I can't imagine my life with out him in it. His birthday brings back so many memories! I have been thinking a lot today about this past year and all the joy and happiness it has brought to us! One year ago tonight, we had just got done at Tyson's work christmas party where everyone was asking when I was going to have our baby. I kept telling them all probably in about 2 weeks from then when my due date was. If only I would have known that early the next morning I was going to go into labor... If I could go back in time and give myself some advice, I would tell myself to go to bed WAY earlier that night, eat a bigger dinner, enjoy my big huge belly, and cuddle with my husband. But I think ultimately, I would tell myself to just trust in the Lord and know that everything was going to be all right!

So the next morning, 5:41 am to be exact, I woke up with stomach cramps. Within about 3 seconds my water started breaking. So I waddled into the bathroom as fast as I could while yelling to Tyson that I thought my water had broke! (the doctors don't tell you your water doesn't stop breaking- it keeps going for quite a while). So I called my sister and asked her what to do. So I called the hospital, ate a big breakfast, and we headed up to the hospital! It seemed like I was the only one there! I got to pick my labor and delivery room and I got all settled in. Within a couple of hours I got my epideral, Tyson and my dad gave me a priesthood blessing, and things went smooth sailing from there! I really enjoyed the whole experience! It was so much fun. (at least the whole labor thing). And I feel so blessed it went so well for me because I know that's not always the case. I was only in labor for about 12 hours until I started pushing! And 45 minutes later, our little bundle of joy arrived! It was such an amazing experience! We instantly fell in love with him!! We got to bond for about a half hour and all the family got to meet him. Then I sent everyone out except for Tys and my sister so I could feed him for the first time. (My sisters a pro at this stuff so I had her help me.) It went pretty well for about 5 minutes. Then Krew made a big squeal, and he started to turn a little blue. I sent my sister to get the nurse for me. The nurse came in and took my little guy from me and said she would be back in a minute. Well a few minutes past and they said they were just checking a few things on him and that I could get settled in my room upstairs in the meantime. So about an hour or so past when our pediatrician came in and said he needed to talk to us. Then he went on to say that our son was born with a birth defect called tracheoesophagealfistula. He kept explaining but I lost it and didn't really hear anything after that. Then I heard him say that he was going to be life flighted down to Primary Childrens where he would have surgery to fix the problem. About an hour later, the life flight Krew brought him into us so we could say good bye to him one last time before they took him. They ended up being able to take him by ambulance because he was so stable. So we said our sad goodbyes and off he went. That was the longest night of my entire life.

We were blessed since the very beginning! If I would have had to have a c-section, I wouldn't have been able to be discharged the very next morning from the hospital so I could go see him. Also a majority of the babies born with TEF (shorter name), have heart problems, are premature, have limb problems, kidney problems, and some are even born without a bum hole. He didn't have any other problems when he was born and was very healthy otherwise. Also, a couple weeks before this, my mom got a job in Salt Lake and had just moved into a new apartment about 20 minutes from the hospital, so we never had to worry about finding a place to stay. And this was just the beginning of many, many blessings through out this time in our lives. When he was 2 days old, he had surgery and everything went awesome! His doctor is one of the best and is also the surgeon who performed the surgery on the conjointed twins a few years ago. He stayed in the NICU down at Primarys for 3 weeks. He had good days and he had bad days. After about 1 week we were able to start feeding him again and we could finally hold him again too! Every day he got better and better. We witnessed a lot of miracles while we were there. And not just with Krew, but with other babies as well. He never ceased to amaze us. He is such a strong and determined little guy! He has been like that since the day he was born! We got to take him home a few days after Christmas! It is a Christmas we will always cherish and never forget! Since then he has had a few complications that I have mentioned in other posts and has had to have 4 minor surgeries since then. We thought we would be done with them but just found out at his last one he will need about 6 more! Once a month for 6 months and then we will see at that point what needs to happen. But they are nothing compared to his first one and they have all went great! There are SO many worse things that he could have been born with and other things that could have went wrong, but didn't.

So as I am looking back at this past year, I am thinking about all the many blessings we have had poured upon us. There are too many to list but the biggest one is of course Krew! He has blessed our lives in so many ways! Do I wish that he was born healthy and that he wouldn't have had and still continue to go through all of this? Yes!! But I am TRULY grateful for these experiences too in so many ways! They have made me grow in so many different ways and helped me do things I wouldn't have thought I could do otherwise. I am so grateful that I have the gospel in my life and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is true! I know our Savior lives and loves each and everyone of us and that he gives us experiences in our lives to help us grow and to prepare us for what He has in store for us! I know He has a plan for us and wants us to be happy. He is the reason for all the good things I have in my life. I am truly blessed!!